well, here i am in kenya.

Ethnic Violence, the news says, and I know that when I was back in the States I was so confused and horrified by that label, because it implies a people fighting another people for no reason but the blood that runs in them.

But of course, it’s not like that. It’s not like that at all. There is hatred, but it is not pure; it is never pure. There are the power imbalances. There are the injustices, built into the post-colonial system, and there is the simple fact that power breeds power, that money breeds money, that people worked hard and bought land from others. And ultimately, there is the deep knowledge that you have suffered, you have starved; that you need a leg up, and that you are more likely to get there by accepting a hand from above and climbing over the bodies around you, that you have more of a chance by cutting down your neighbor than you ever will by trying to cut down the ones at the top. And that all forms of cutting down are more at your grasp than any kind of building up, because you aren’t the ones who get to build in this country, in most countries.

There is no pure (baseless) hatred, and there is no pure (righteous) justice here. There is just fire, a destructive fire, not a refining fire. It does not matter who won the election any more. It does not matter that there was an election – most people say that they will never vote again, not if this is what happens when they vote. What matters is that both sides have ancient (not so ancient, 60 years is not so ancient) grievances, that both sides have now shed blood, and that fire is so temptingly close.

It is easier to be a pacifist in America. Here, I just feel passive. Of course I am arguing against hate talk, arguing with my co-workers, with my neighbors, with all sides, trying to make them see the injustices on both sides. But I am mostly just…passive. I don’t belong here. I am privileged to be here, I am grateful to be here, but I don’t belong here. I am not part of the solution. I am the elite, part of the untouchables, and what would happen if we were touched anyways? If the people in power – the Kibakis and the Railas and the ex-pats with all their pat solutions and advice – if we were targeted, like an ethnic group? It would not bring down the country’s structures to start again and build something better this time. It would fuel the flames, but it would not be a clean fire.

I believe it is not too late, that the fires can be doused and something whole still salvaged, something more whole built with the pieces that are left. But I am starting to believe this the way that I believe in God.

Lord, I believe; help me in my disbelief.

# posted by debbyscott @ 9:26 AM