well, here i am in kenya.

I’ve been at meetings on the outskirts of Kampala all week. On Wednesday, I was in meetings from 8:30am till 11:30pm, and Kofi Annan announced that he was suspending the talks between PNU (Kibaki government) and ODM (Raila opposition). On Thursday, I was only in meetings from 8:45am till 10pm, and Kenya announced that Kibaki and Raila had struck a deal, making Raila a Prime Minister with executive powers.

So things are better, definitely better. In fact, one can almost function under those conditions. But still, things are not ‘normalized’ yet, and there is a ways to go yet till we’ll be operating at our maximum ability.

The last number of weeks have been fairly quiet. I’ve been able to go back to life as almost-normal – using matatus to get around, not insisting to myself that I get home before dark, visiting friends, etc. But of course, it has not been the quiet of peace – it has been the quiet of a whole nation holding their breaths, waiting to see what will come of the Annan-led negotiations/mediations.

In the meantime, Kenya was on the move. Not ‘on the move’ in the sense of getting ahead. ‘On the move’ in the sense of everyone literally packing up and moving to ‘safe’ places. Throughout Nairobi, people switched neighborhoods for fear of being attacked or burnt for living in the ‘wrong’ part of town. Across the nation, people made their way “back to their ancestral homes” – a way to describe moving back to the part of Kenya that historically held the primary tribe you are identified with, moving away from the land you may have bought a few years ago or which your grandfather may have been relocated to when he came out of the forest after independence, whose original land was taken away already - divvied up in the immediate spoils of post-independence freedom.

While this was happening, militia have been solidifying their positions of authority in the rural areas and in the slums of the cities. It is the prevalence of these militia that I find particularly frightening, and where a lot of the potential for future violence lies.

Check out the 2 new links on the side of webpage here -
- Kwani? blog - Kwani? is a great collective of writers based here in Nairobi. They hold open mic poetry readings once a month that are always fun to go to (a wide, wide, WIDE range of poems and talents), and have a number of great publications. The blog contains good writers writing about what has been happening here in Kenya.
- Peace in Kenya - information about what is happening to help us move towards peace in Kenya.

Since the outbreaks of violence, a growing group of citizens have been meeting three times a week to try to find a way towards peace in Kenya. They are a loose collective of citizens, NGOs, professional associations, CBOs, learning institutions, etc. The group meets three mornings a week, and I attended today for the first time. The meetings are open, and intended to support the political dialogue (they are non-affiliated), spread positive messages to dissuade violence and retaliation, gather information on the violence, and engage the mass media. The flowers for peace at Uhuru Park is one of their initiatives – Uhuru Park was the place where ODM rallies kept being called and it has essentially been cordoned off by military police. They started a movement of placing flowers at one part of the park called Freedom Corner (where we held our Stop EPA day tomato smashing event), placing flowers in commemoration of the lives lost since the election. It has been a really powerful thing – well covered in the national press, and with all sides (including the military police) placing flowers.

This morning there were probably around 60 people present. Folks brought up ideas of initiatives and then others would chip in to give advice, or support, and side meetings were scheduled for following up. Ideas included some kind of visible call to peace to the negotiators at Serena Hotel, a Peace and Love concert tour among the informal settlements, folks planning for actions on Valentines Day, folks working with the Law Society of Kenya to develop a legal framework for addressing the landlord & tenant issues, kids heading to Eldoret to work with the Universities there to initiate peace-building actions and counseling, Concerned Kenyan Writers passing on their plans, etc.

It was great to be surrounded by people who are active and involved in bringing peace to Kenya – who are concerned, but also not willing to let their fear of what may happen get in the way of taking concrete steps towards peace. Even though I literally did not have anything to bring to the plans or discussions, it felt really good to be there. I’m feeling more hopeful than I have in a long time.

One of the women that I buy vegetables and fruit from tells me daily that Jesus must be coming soon because the world is going to pieces. So far, 2008 is that kind of year. In Chad, there is extensive, indiscriminate fighting as rebels attempt to take control. In Uganda, a building under construction collapsed last week. In Rwanda this weekend there was a major earthquake. In Kenya, we slide a bit further every day into something ugly and raw.

There is a voice in my head which says that this is a test of my faith – whether I can hold on to my faith in the midst of such suffering and confusion and helplessness. I hate this voice. I don’t believe it is right at all, but that’s not why I hate it – I hate it because when I hear it, I am struck by the overwhelming sense that this is a test that I am failing.

Lent is coming. Part of me wants to put on sackcloth and repent, repent to God and the heavens and just see if it will all stop.* No, that’s not where I think peace will come from; no, I don’t think that God is punishing Kenya for turning from the Path of Righteousness. But oh, we have a long, long way to go yet towards peace and we seem to be driving ourselves further away each day. I watch the 9pm news, and realize that things were worse today than yesterday, that more people have died, that more people are homeless, that hatred is further entrenched and the negotiations are nowhere closer to concrete answers. I turn off the tv and sit in my apartment and listen to the sirens outside and what I want is to make a deal. I want to make a deal with God, with the Universe, with whoever will listen to me. I want an entity that will take whatever small allegiance I can claim, whatever pathetic promises I can offer, weigh these, and agree in return to call the whole thing off.

This is not my faith. I don’t believe that we are ruled by a God who makes such deals – I don’t want my life to be ruled by a God willing to make such deals.

But oh I want to make a deal. I am tired, and I have shelter and enough food. I am lonely, and I have friends here and I don’t have to worry about anyone hating me for my ethnicity. I am close to desperate, and I know this is bad because this is going to go on a lot longer and there is a good chance it is going to get much worse.

Well, it’s past my bedtime. I want to keep listening to Edgar Meyer play Bach cello suites on the double bass until everything gets better. But instead I’m going to brush my teeth and go to sleep and most likely I will wake up tomorrow morning in Nairobi, Kenya, which is still a place worth praying for and working in, a place that is still under God’s love and care.

*Actually, the Nairobi high fashion community has been creating and marketing sackcloth clothing the past few weeks. There was a piece on the news about it, and they showed how you can pair sackcloth tops and tunics with bright beads.